Blinkin: Oh Master Robin!
[hugging a replica statue of the Venus de Milo]
Blinkin: You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.
Robin Hood: Blinkin, I'm over here.

Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.

Sheriff of Rottingham: King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!

Latrine: I was this close... I touched it.

Angry Villagers: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!

Zaphod Beeblebrox: You mean they want to arrest me over the phone? Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered.
Ford Prefect: Yeah. You fall to pieces so fast that people get hit by the shrapnel.

Prosser: But the plans were on display.
Arthur Dent: On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar.
Prosser: That's the display department.
Arthur Dent: With a torch.
Prosser: The lights had probably gone.
Arthur Dent: So had the stairs.
Prosser: But you did see the notice, didn't you?
Arthur Dent: Oh, yes. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign outside the door saying "Beware of the Leopard." Ever thought of going into advertising?

Arthur Dent: This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

[about the Vogon Constructor ships]
The Book: They hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don't.

Ford Prefect: How are you feeling?
Arthur Dent: Like a military academy. Bits of me keep passing out.

Ford Prefect: Preparing for hyperspace. It's rather unpleasantly like being drunk.
Arthur Dent: What's so wrong about being drunk?
Ford Prefect: Ask a glass of water.

Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you?
Arthur Dent: I don't know! I didn't listen!

Trillian: Probability factor of one to one. We have normality. I repeat, we have normality.
[pauses a beat]
Trillian: Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.

Marvin: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.

Marvin: [repeated line] Life. Don't talk to me about life.

Arthur Dent: I wonder what will happen if I press this button.
Ford Prefect: Don't.
Arthur Dent: [presses it] Oh.
Ford Prefect: What happened?
Arthur Dent: A sign lit up saying "Please do not press this button again."

Newscaster: And we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere. And to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys.

The Book: Men were real men. Women were real women. And small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were *real* small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Gag Halfrunt: Zaphod's just zis guy, ya know?

The Book: The Argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist" says God, "For proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing." "BUT," says Man, "The Babel Fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It proves you exist, so therefore you don't. QED." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that." And promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. "Ooh, that was easy." says Man and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets killed on the next zebra crossing.

Arthur Dent: I'm sorry, did you just say you needed my brain?
Mouse: Yes, to complete the program.
Arthur Dent: Well, you can't have it, I'm using it!
Mouse: Hardly.
Arthur Dent: Cheeky mouse...

Arthur: [Arthur and Trillian are talking to each other at the party they meet at] I'm glad to meet you here, pretty much everyone else here are just idiots.
Trillian: [over music] What?
Arthur: I said,
[the record player is bumped, the music stops]
Arthur: ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS.
[everyone stares at him]
Arthur: Oooh...

Arthur: Ford?
Ford: Yeah?
Arthur: I think I'm a sofa...
Ford: [pause] I know how you feel...

The Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also talks about love. It says, "Avoid if at all possible."